This Damn Newsletter comes to you but rest assure I didn't break my social media exile. I scheduled this issue to come out to keep up my writing. (See it's good to be prepared) As most of you know, I have given up social media for Lent. But hey feel free to read this and get my thoughts... Oh by the way, since this is pre-scheduled I have no idea what's going on with me this precise moment but I probably need some kind of love, some kind of support, and A LOT of PRAYER!!! So just do all of those things for me. Talk to you all on Easter (March 31, 2013) you know if the Lord say the same. *in my momma's voice*
Oh one more thing...Shout Out goes out to Brooklyn! I'm sure she's killing her vocabulary words. Make Daddy proud, sweetie!!!
For the better part of 2012, I found myself doing “relationship maintenance” on certain people and situations. Former potential love interests who loved the chase more than romance, friends that don’t seem to give as much as I do, co-workers that don’t pull their weight, and even a family member or two whose ego and hypocrisy desperately need to be address (I’m reminded of a certain Tell’em Why You Mad video). All things that needed to be done. When I look at it, these are things I should have done years ago. These “mess ups” have affected me, upset me, and quite frankly defined how I interact with these individuals. I felt myself walking on egg shells for some and continuing feeble pursuits that had no chance of having fruitful outcomes with others. It led to a lot of disappointment and became the building blocks for my depression. But now…no more!!!
What has changed for me and in essence what’s prompted me to change those relationship dynamics is the most recent evaluation of my own self-value. For most, it goes without saying how much I give in all forms of relationships. I give to a point that my own self is lost a little. I don’t do it for attention…well…maybe a little but I mostly do it because I love being there for one I care about. That same level of giving is not granted to me however. So for me (and I can only tell you how I rock this not actually give advice) the best thing to do is to let other define our relationship.
Don’t get confused. I’m not stating that I am planning on being the whipping boy for all of those people…just the opposite. These are people I care about and therefore just don’t throw away just because I have had a philosophy change. Instead I alert them to the change in our relationship almost like a warning. I am tell romantic interests that I will no longer chase them. (maybe pine for them secretly when I’m drunk like you’re supposed to) I tell family who has failed to support me in every sense of the word that the pandering stops now. And I tell friends who seem to define our relationship within certain parameters (i.e. wanting to me give more than them or the refusal to “let me in” as a friend because they or either too self-absorbed or too oblivious to do so) that I will only give them what they give me. You fight for something you want. You shouldn’t have to beg for it. No one is that important enough for you to give your all while they give nothing. Because if they are giving you nothing, those people have clearly defined what your relationship is…
Those are just my thoughts…right or wrong…just what I was feeling at the time!!!
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